Caring for the bereaved: Are funerals worth the money? It's a long time since the family GP would sit around comforting a bereaved family in the kitchen of the old farmhouse. But with the growing emphasis today on caring for the dying, and the realization that this involves caring for the whole family during the final illness, some background on the rites of death seems appropriate. And readers might even want to apply this information to their own circumstances!
own regulations concerning what they will and won't accept for burning. Generally they require that the body be brought to them in a strength-tested, combustible container, so a coffin of some description is still a necessity. There are some cardboard receptacles on the market that are very inexpensive, but some crematoriums complain they create too much smoke when burned. Urns can be bought from a crematorium to contain the ashes, but the remains will be normally scattered or dug into the crematorium garden after a stated period, unless there is some other arrangement. A cremation can't legally take place until 48 hours after the death has occurred. Those who prefer burial must buy a plot in a cemetery. Remember that there is a charge for the digging of the grave and having it filled in again, which in Toronto, for example, can cost around $190. The grave stone must also be bought and on the average will cost in the neighbourhood of $100. The issue of embalming is a contentious one in the undertaking business. Memorial societies often complain that undertakers will routinely embalm a corpse without asking the permission of the next of kin, and although they won't embalm if asked not to, the bereaved are usually in no fit state to even consider such matters. There is no Canadian law that requires that embalming be done except when a body is going to be brought across a provincial boundary or transported on a public carrier. Embalming, a practice that only became popular in this century, is done primarily for cosmetic reasons. Certain restrictions If the funeral home is going to be holding a corpse for more than 72 hours the director may insist on chemically disinfecting the body (which costs perhaps $30 or $40) and to this the memorial societies agree. But where burial or cremation will take place soon after death, there is no need for embalming, unless the coffin will be open and the corpse put on display. Dr. Smith said he is opposed to both practices - embalming and
showing the corpse. He wants to be remembered as he looked last; embalming, he says, is a "lacerating" operation. "It doesn't preserve anything and, in any case, why do it? The process of disintegration is a process of oxidation, and whether it takes place over years in the grave or in a few minutes in a crematorium the end product is the same." Most funeral homes have a chapel on the premises where a funeral service, if there is to be one, can take place. Alternatives are a
graveside service, no service at all or a memorial service that can be held after the burial or cremation has taken place. The last is preferred by the memorial societies. Jerry Smolyk estimates it takes his funeral home an average of 84 manhours to prepare each funeral. The quickest ones to do are of course the ones that have been prearranged, because most or all of the decisions have been made. Normally Smolyk said he will spend 4 to 5 hours with the family of the deceased, helping them to make de-
SEND FOR A FREE CATALOGUE J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY OF CANADA LTD. 75 Homer Ave., Toronto, Ontario M8Z 4X7 (416) 252.5277
Lippincott
Representing in Canada: J. B. Lippincott Company, Harper & Row Publishers, Inc., Little, Brown and Company Springer Publishing Company, Hodder & Stoughton.
OMA JOURNAL/OCTOBER 6, 1979/VOL. 121 979
cisions, but with a prearranged fu- Tremendous price range neral he may only take 15 to 20 There is a tremendous range in minutes. Smolyk said he personally can't emphasize enough the value prices across Canada, even for funerals arranged through the socieof a prearranged funeral. ties, but Ann Christensen, the assowhen "The decisions are made the thinking is clear. There is no ciation's public relations officer in emotion and you can think clearly Toronto, estimates that the average and confidently. It eases the burden family can save between $500 and on the family at the time of death." $600 through a society. A sample of prices across CanBeside the convenience of arranging a funeral beforehand, there is ada shows that a type A funeral in also the delicate question of money. Calgary costs $125 while a type B Memorial societies can probably costs between $225 to $275. In help arrange the least expensive Halifax, society members may pay funeral to be found anywhere, but between $314 to $342 for a type A even through them one can arrange and as much as $596 for a type B. to have all the extras, for a fee. And in Toronto, one can pay up Prearranging does not necessarily to $320 for a type A funeral, or mean a cheap funeral, but one that as little as $315 for a type B fuisn't prearranged will almost cer- neral, depending on choice of tainly cost more than one that is - funeral home. "That's free enterprise," says especially if a funeral director is asked to arrange all the details right Christensen of the price differences. The lowest funeral prices in Candown to finding a burial plot and ada are found in British Columbia, putting notices in the newspapers. which also, significantly, boasts the largest number of memorial society members - about 100 000 in all. Specific example Total membership across Canada Eric Gowen, former public rela- is 170 000 - organized through 25 tions officer for the Memorial So- local societies, making it the largest ciety Association of Canada (the consumer organization in the counnational body of the local societies) try. The Toronto chapter alone and now a member of that group's grows at an annual rate of 2000 advisory board, said that in members a year. Thunder Bay, Ontario, for example, the average funeral costs between $.1 400 and $1700. This would be Organized competition only for the goods and services With organized competition like provided by the funeral director (including a casket). Not included this, it is easy to understand the in that price are burial plots, grave- lack of enthusiasm with which fustones or additional services, such neral directors regard the memorial society movement. as an organist. "Memorial societies encourage On the other hand, a no-frills funeral arranged through the Thun- members to arrange simply a disder Bay Memorial Society could posal service," said Smolyk. Other cost as little as $175. That covers members of the profession are quick a funeral director to take custody to assert that funerals are really for of the body and obtain the neces- the living and that in some way sary legal papers, a plain unlined they are supposed to assist the surcoffin and transport to the ceme- vivors in coping with their grief. But do they? To get an idea of tery or crematorium. Most of the memorial societies in the answer to this question, CMAJ Canada can offer members two interviewed an official at a Montprice ranges of funerals - plan A, real hospital (who asked not to be as described above, or plan B, identified by name) who provides which provides the same services emotional support to bereaved peoas plan A, but includes as well the ple. We will call her Ms. Brown. First of. all Ms. Brown made a use of a funeral home or chapel for a memorial service, an organist distinction between preplanning and prearranging a funeral. At the PCU, and a car. 980 CMA JOURNAL/OCTOBER 6, 1979/VOL. 121
terminally ill patients often discuss their funeral plans with their relatives. Not to the last detail but in general. This is not the same as prearranging a funeral with a memorial society or funeral home; nothing is written down and no money changes hands. When the patient eventually dies the relatives must make the formal arrangements for the funeral. Relieves stress In Ms. Brown's opinion, preplanning a funeral does relieve a lot of the stress felt by the bereaved. At a time that the bereaved undergo much stress and are vulnerable to high-pressure salesmanship, having a general idea of how to arrange the funeral reduces the number of decisions to be made. Prearranging removes almost all decisions. However, the pressure felt by the bereaved varies enormously from person to person; some will cope well with the funeral arrangements, others badly, according to Ms. Brown. The value of preplanning or prearranging a funeral depends, then, on the personality of the bereaved. There is another aspect, however; while completely prearranging a funeral relieves the burden of the bereaved, in Ms. Brown's experience some bereaved people are grateful for the effort of making the arrangements. It is one of the last tangible things they can do for the deceased, for some it helps assuage feelings of guilt and for others the activity helps fill the void felt once the immediate shock of bereavement has passed. These people may be confused, they may not be thinking rationally and they may pay more, but this is immaterial. Lately there has been a disenchantment with the idea of funerals, and consequently they have been downplayed, according to Ms. Brown. However, the funeral is still very important. We still celebrate births and weddings, which are great life events, so it seems strange to remove the ritual accompanying death. In Ms. Brown's opinion people still need the ritual; it serves to draw families together for mutual support. U
own regulations concerning what they will and won't accept for burning. Generally they require that the body be brought to them in a strength-tested, combustible container, so a coffin of some description is still a necessity. There are some cardboard receptacles on the market that are very inexpensive, but some crematoriums complain they create too much smoke when burned. Urns can be bought from a crematorium to contain the ashes, but the remains will be normally scattered or dug into the crematorium garden after a stated period, unless there is some other arrangement. A cremation can't legally take place until 48 hours after the death has occurred. Those who prefer burial must buy a plot in a cemetery. Remember that there is a charge for the digging of the grave and having it filled in again, which in Toronto, for example, can cost around $190. The grave stone must also be bought and on the average will cost in the neighbourhood of $100. The issue of embalming is a contentious one in the undertaking business. Memorial societies often complain that undertakers will routinely embalm a corpse without asking the permission of the next of kin, and although they won't embalm if asked not to, the bereaved are usually in no fit state to even consider such matters. There is no Canadian law that requires that embalming be done except when a body is going to be brought across a provincial boundary or transported on a public carrier. Embalming, a practice that only became popular in this century, is done primarily for cosmetic reasons. Certain restrictions If the funeral home is going to be holding a corpse for more than 72 hours the director may insist on chemically disinfecting the body (which costs perhaps $30 or $40) and to this the memorial societies agree. But where burial or cremation will take place soon after death, there is no need for embalming, unless the coffin will be open and the corpse put on display. Dr. Smith said he is opposed to both practices - embalming and
showing the corpse. He wants to be remembered as he looked last; embalming, he says, is a "lacerating" operation. "It doesn't preserve anything and, in any case, why do it? The process of disintegration is a process of oxidation, and whether it takes place over years in the grave or in a few minutes in a crematorium the end product is the same." Most funeral homes have a chapel on the premises where a funeral service, if there is to be one, can take place. Alternatives are a
graveside service, no service at all or a memorial service that can be held after the burial or cremation has taken place. The last is preferred by the memorial societies. Jerry Smolyk estimates it takes his funeral home an average of 84 manhours to prepare each funeral. The quickest ones to do are of course the ones that have been prearranged, because most or all of the decisions have been made. Normally Smolyk said he will spend 4 to 5 hours with the family of the deceased, helping them to make de-
SEND FOR A FREE CATALOGUE J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY OF CANADA LTD. 75 Homer Ave., Toronto, Ontario M8Z 4X7 (416) 252.5277
Lippincott
Representing in Canada: J. B. Lippincott Company, Harper & Row Publishers, Inc., Little, Brown and Company Springer Publishing Company, Hodder & Stoughton.
OMA JOURNAL/OCTOBER 6, 1979/VOL. 121 979
cisions, but with a prearranged fu- Tremendous price range neral he may only take 15 to 20 There is a tremendous range in minutes. Smolyk said he personally can't emphasize enough the value prices across Canada, even for funerals arranged through the socieof a prearranged funeral. ties, but Ann Christensen, the assowhen "The decisions are made the thinking is clear. There is no ciation's public relations officer in emotion and you can think clearly Toronto, estimates that the average and confidently. It eases the burden family can save between $500 and on the family at the time of death." $600 through a society. A sample of prices across CanBeside the convenience of arranging a funeral beforehand, there is ada shows that a type A funeral in also the delicate question of money. Calgary costs $125 while a type B Memorial societies can probably costs between $225 to $275. In help arrange the least expensive Halifax, society members may pay funeral to be found anywhere, but between $314 to $342 for a type A even through them one can arrange and as much as $596 for a type B. to have all the extras, for a fee. And in Toronto, one can pay up Prearranging does not necessarily to $320 for a type A funeral, or mean a cheap funeral, but one that as little as $315 for a type B fuisn't prearranged will almost cer- neral, depending on choice of tainly cost more than one that is - funeral home. "That's free enterprise," says especially if a funeral director is asked to arrange all the details right Christensen of the price differences. The lowest funeral prices in Candown to finding a burial plot and ada are found in British Columbia, putting notices in the newspapers. which also, significantly, boasts the largest number of memorial society members - about 100 000 in all. Specific example Total membership across Canada Eric Gowen, former public rela- is 170 000 - organized through 25 tions officer for the Memorial So- local societies, making it the largest ciety Association of Canada (the consumer organization in the counnational body of the local societies) try. The Toronto chapter alone and now a member of that group's grows at an annual rate of 2000 advisory board, said that in members a year. Thunder Bay, Ontario, for example, the average funeral costs between $.1 400 and $1700. This would be Organized competition only for the goods and services With organized competition like provided by the funeral director (including a casket). Not included this, it is easy to understand the in that price are burial plots, grave- lack of enthusiasm with which fustones or additional services, such neral directors regard the memorial society movement. as an organist. "Memorial societies encourage On the other hand, a no-frills funeral arranged through the Thun- members to arrange simply a disder Bay Memorial Society could posal service," said Smolyk. Other cost as little as $175. That covers members of the profession are quick a funeral director to take custody to assert that funerals are really for of the body and obtain the neces- the living and that in some way sary legal papers, a plain unlined they are supposed to assist the surcoffin and transport to the ceme- vivors in coping with their grief. But do they? To get an idea of tery or crematorium. Most of the memorial societies in the answer to this question, CMAJ Canada can offer members two interviewed an official at a Montprice ranges of funerals - plan A, real hospital (who asked not to be as described above, or plan B, identified by name) who provides which provides the same services emotional support to bereaved peoas plan A, but includes as well the ple. We will call her Ms. Brown. First of. all Ms. Brown made a use of a funeral home or chapel for a memorial service, an organist distinction between preplanning and prearranging a funeral. At the PCU, and a car. 980 CMA JOURNAL/OCTOBER 6, 1979/VOL. 121
terminally ill patients often discuss their funeral plans with their relatives. Not to the last detail but in general. This is not the same as prearranging a funeral with a memorial society or funeral home; nothing is written down and no money changes hands. When the patient eventually dies the relatives must make the formal arrangements for the funeral. Relieves stress In Ms. Brown's opinion, preplanning a funeral does relieve a lot of the stress felt by the bereaved. At a time that the bereaved undergo much stress and are vulnerable to high-pressure salesmanship, having a general idea of how to arrange the funeral reduces the number of decisions to be made. Prearranging removes almost all decisions. However, the pressure felt by the bereaved varies enormously from person to person; some will cope well with the funeral arrangements, others badly, according to Ms. Brown. The value of preplanning or prearranging a funeral depends, then, on the personality of the bereaved. There is another aspect, however; while completely prearranging a funeral relieves the burden of the bereaved, in Ms. Brown's experience some bereaved people are grateful for the effort of making the arrangements. It is one of the last tangible things they can do for the deceased, for some it helps assuage feelings of guilt and for others the activity helps fill the void felt once the immediate shock of bereavement has passed. These people may be confused, they may not be thinking rationally and they may pay more, but this is immaterial. Lately there has been a disenchantment with the idea of funerals, and consequently they have been downplayed, according to Ms. Brown. However, the funeral is still very important. We still celebrate births and weddings, which are great life events, so it seems strange to remove the ritual accompanying death. In Ms. Brown's opinion people still need the ritual; it serves to draw families together for mutual support. U
