Childless marriage
as a
basis for adoption
Children cut off from their ancestry need doubly protecting against the effects of marital discord in substitute parents, writes Michael Humphrey.* It is the responsibility of adoption societies to see that, in
seeking to adopt, childless couples are motivated by a healthy and heartfelt desire for children and not by neurosis or the stresses of marital disharmony. * Michael Humphrey, M.A., B.Sc., is at the Department of Sociology, University of Essex. He has recently been appointed to a Lectureship in the Department of Mental Health, Bristol University, which he takes up in the
new
year.
Childless marriage has exercised the medical profession for centuries, but has hardly begun to interest the social scientist. For novelists and playwrights it has proved intrinsically fascinating. Nigel Balchin, for example, has written more than one compel-
ling
account of what can
happen when the stresses marriage have to be contained within the two-person relationship. In Mine Own Executioner a couple remain uneasily together, whereas in A Way Through the Wood they separate. In each case the absence of children is keenly felt and in the
inseparable
from any
former novel we are told that no medical cause had been discovered. Here, the central figure is a lay psychoanalyst who, after twelve years of marriage, has become irritated with his clumsy wife 'Rhino' and no longer wants to make love to her. She still loves him, but at one point remarks?'I think we ought to adopt a kid if we stay. At least, I think I think so.'
A
couple in this situation may succeed in adopting, especially if they can acquire a child privately, but it can scarcely be commended as a solution to their problem. Children
ancestry need doubly protecting against the effects of marital discord in substitute parents. Conversely, if a marriage cannot survive the stresses of infertility, how can it be expected to cope with the stresses of adoptive parentcut off from their
hood superimposed? Fortunately, adoption workers are alert to the importance of marital stability, which is clearly a necessary condition, even if no guarantee ?f a successful adoption. Despite wide variations between societies in the scope and depth of interviewing techniques, it is to be hoped that present-day couples would need cunning as well as strong motivation to conceal a serious rift in their relationship, yet it would be unrealistic to look for perfect bliss in a childless couple who want to adopt. In order to contemplate adoption, they must first have become dissatisfied with their childless state. The altruistic motive of providing a home for a deprived child rarely Predominates among the involuntarily childless, who are themselves suffering from a sense of deprivation (for example, they may complain of feeling 'incom-
plete').
And the
an important need remains tension must accumulate in even the best of marriages. Commonly, the wife suffers more than the husband. Where her wish for a child is heartfelt rather than dictated by social pressures ('other people seem to breed like rabbits') or neurotic conflict (say, anxiety over her feminine role), such tension will be relieved by adoption. But the question remains?how is the tension of healthy needs unmet to be distinguished from that of neurosis or marital dis-
unfulfilled, the
longer
more
harmony? Learning to discriminate between healthy and unhealthy tension is a task that must be compressed into a small space of time. Some signals can of course be picked up immediately. Gross sexual disturbance is usually detectable. There may be a history of psychiatric treatment, occasionally irrelevant but always to be taken seriously. A few couples succumb to the stress of the probationary period and return the baby. But often there are no signals, or they remain unnoticed until the die is cast. In practice most applications come from childless couples. So in addition to the interpretation of existing tensions, there is also the problem of trying to visualise how they will perform in the parental role. Are there any useful guidelines to be followed here? Some parents can be recognised as good in a single interview and on any criteria, whilst ^others, perhaps equally good, would fail to reveal their true qualities even in several interviews. How much harder, then, to judge parental capacity in vacuo. It is tempting to conclude that, because there is as yet no firm evidence" that private adoptions work out less satisfactorily than those officially arranged, therefore nobody is entitled to sit in judgment on prospective adopters. This is surely a mistaken view. Private placements are often far from haphazard, and societies have sometimes erred in their methods of selection, so that comparisons may be misleading. But the most com-
pelling argument against leaving everything to chance is that we are not wholly ignorant of the factors conducive to family happiness. 17
1.
and
Separation We
know,
for
can
lead to
an
adoption
instance, that an unhappy unhappy choice of mate. We
childhood know that parenthood comes easier to those who got on well with their own parents. We know that affection for other people's children implies a capacity to love one's own, even if the converse does not follow. In addition, valuable pointers have emerged from several follow-up studies of adoptive families. Thus we have some idea of the sort of qualities to appraise in would-
be adopters. Childless couples in modern society are subject to strong pressures quite early in married life, and may need help in coming to terms with these. Adoption is not
always
have
appropriate measure, and for those who to it, the relief of social pressures regarded as a mere by-product. The same an
recourse
should be
may be said of the far more controversial measure of donor insemination (aid), discussed by Sandler in the February, 1965, issue of this journal. But if I am right in suggesting that the quality of the marriage relation-
ship is one of the most elusive factors in childless applicants for adoption, then aid must be even harder to practise wisely. For adoption is not dominated by the need for secrecy, and guidance can be given on the specific problems of adoptive parenthood. The situation of the donated child may indeed be simpler in some respects than that of the adopted child, but our only source of evidence is the practitioner himself, who can scarcely be an impartial witness. Childlessness has to be seen not only in relation to its meaning for the individuals concerned, but also in the wider context of community attitudes. An investigation by my colleagues of the recent trend towards larger families may open the way to exploratory studies aimed at throwing the plight of the childless into clearer relief. Compared with the population explosion, infertility can hardly rank as a major issue. But is does have important implications for mental health, even where a child's interests are not at stake.
The problems of the childless couple are vividly portrayed in Nigel Balchin's novel, Mine Own Executioner. Central in a a still from a film of the book. The figures are aa lay psychoanalyst, Felix, and his wife, 'Rhino', pictured here in couple are portrayed by Burgess Meredith and Dulcie Gray. Photo: National Film Archive "
HHHHHH
?
V
?I B 1
1 18
.1
as a
basis for adoption
Children cut off from their ancestry need doubly protecting against the effects of marital discord in substitute parents, writes Michael Humphrey.* It is the responsibility of adoption societies to see that, in
seeking to adopt, childless couples are motivated by a healthy and heartfelt desire for children and not by neurosis or the stresses of marital disharmony. * Michael Humphrey, M.A., B.Sc., is at the Department of Sociology, University of Essex. He has recently been appointed to a Lectureship in the Department of Mental Health, Bristol University, which he takes up in the
new
year.
Childless marriage has exercised the medical profession for centuries, but has hardly begun to interest the social scientist. For novelists and playwrights it has proved intrinsically fascinating. Nigel Balchin, for example, has written more than one compel-
ling
account of what can
happen when the stresses marriage have to be contained within the two-person relationship. In Mine Own Executioner a couple remain uneasily together, whereas in A Way Through the Wood they separate. In each case the absence of children is keenly felt and in the
inseparable
from any
former novel we are told that no medical cause had been discovered. Here, the central figure is a lay psychoanalyst who, after twelve years of marriage, has become irritated with his clumsy wife 'Rhino' and no longer wants to make love to her. She still loves him, but at one point remarks?'I think we ought to adopt a kid if we stay. At least, I think I think so.'
A
couple in this situation may succeed in adopting, especially if they can acquire a child privately, but it can scarcely be commended as a solution to their problem. Children
ancestry need doubly protecting against the effects of marital discord in substitute parents. Conversely, if a marriage cannot survive the stresses of infertility, how can it be expected to cope with the stresses of adoptive parentcut off from their
hood superimposed? Fortunately, adoption workers are alert to the importance of marital stability, which is clearly a necessary condition, even if no guarantee ?f a successful adoption. Despite wide variations between societies in the scope and depth of interviewing techniques, it is to be hoped that present-day couples would need cunning as well as strong motivation to conceal a serious rift in their relationship, yet it would be unrealistic to look for perfect bliss in a childless couple who want to adopt. In order to contemplate adoption, they must first have become dissatisfied with their childless state. The altruistic motive of providing a home for a deprived child rarely Predominates among the involuntarily childless, who are themselves suffering from a sense of deprivation (for example, they may complain of feeling 'incom-
plete').
And the
an important need remains tension must accumulate in even the best of marriages. Commonly, the wife suffers more than the husband. Where her wish for a child is heartfelt rather than dictated by social pressures ('other people seem to breed like rabbits') or neurotic conflict (say, anxiety over her feminine role), such tension will be relieved by adoption. But the question remains?how is the tension of healthy needs unmet to be distinguished from that of neurosis or marital dis-
unfulfilled, the
longer
more
harmony? Learning to discriminate between healthy and unhealthy tension is a task that must be compressed into a small space of time. Some signals can of course be picked up immediately. Gross sexual disturbance is usually detectable. There may be a history of psychiatric treatment, occasionally irrelevant but always to be taken seriously. A few couples succumb to the stress of the probationary period and return the baby. But often there are no signals, or they remain unnoticed until the die is cast. In practice most applications come from childless couples. So in addition to the interpretation of existing tensions, there is also the problem of trying to visualise how they will perform in the parental role. Are there any useful guidelines to be followed here? Some parents can be recognised as good in a single interview and on any criteria, whilst ^others, perhaps equally good, would fail to reveal their true qualities even in several interviews. How much harder, then, to judge parental capacity in vacuo. It is tempting to conclude that, because there is as yet no firm evidence" that private adoptions work out less satisfactorily than those officially arranged, therefore nobody is entitled to sit in judgment on prospective adopters. This is surely a mistaken view. Private placements are often far from haphazard, and societies have sometimes erred in their methods of selection, so that comparisons may be misleading. But the most com-
pelling argument against leaving everything to chance is that we are not wholly ignorant of the factors conducive to family happiness. 17
1.
and
Separation We
know,
for
can
lead to
an
adoption
instance, that an unhappy unhappy choice of mate. We
childhood know that parenthood comes easier to those who got on well with their own parents. We know that affection for other people's children implies a capacity to love one's own, even if the converse does not follow. In addition, valuable pointers have emerged from several follow-up studies of adoptive families. Thus we have some idea of the sort of qualities to appraise in would-
be adopters. Childless couples in modern society are subject to strong pressures quite early in married life, and may need help in coming to terms with these. Adoption is not
always
have
appropriate measure, and for those who to it, the relief of social pressures regarded as a mere by-product. The same an
recourse
should be
may be said of the far more controversial measure of donor insemination (aid), discussed by Sandler in the February, 1965, issue of this journal. But if I am right in suggesting that the quality of the marriage relation-
ship is one of the most elusive factors in childless applicants for adoption, then aid must be even harder to practise wisely. For adoption is not dominated by the need for secrecy, and guidance can be given on the specific problems of adoptive parenthood. The situation of the donated child may indeed be simpler in some respects than that of the adopted child, but our only source of evidence is the practitioner himself, who can scarcely be an impartial witness. Childlessness has to be seen not only in relation to its meaning for the individuals concerned, but also in the wider context of community attitudes. An investigation by my colleagues of the recent trend towards larger families may open the way to exploratory studies aimed at throwing the plight of the childless into clearer relief. Compared with the population explosion, infertility can hardly rank as a major issue. But is does have important implications for mental health, even where a child's interests are not at stake.
The problems of the childless couple are vividly portrayed in Nigel Balchin's novel, Mine Own Executioner. Central in a a still from a film of the book. The figures are aa lay psychoanalyst, Felix, and his wife, 'Rhino', pictured here in couple are portrayed by Burgess Meredith and Dulcie Gray. Photo: National Film Archive "
HHHHHH
?
V
?I B 1
1 18
.1
