Journal of Lesbian Studies
ISSN: 1089-4160 (Print) 1540-3548 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjls20
Coming Out of My Closet Barbara Brown BSc, MTS To cite this article: Barbara Brown BSc, MTS (2004) Coming Out of My Closet, Journal of Lesbian Studies, 8:3-4, 21-23, DOI: 10.1300/J155v08n03_04 To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J155v08n03_04
Published online: 05 Oct 2008.
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Article views: 69
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Full Terms & Conditions of access and use can be found at http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=wjls20 Download by: [Chinese University of Hong Kong]
Date: 06 November 2015, At: 02:40
Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
Coming Out of My Closet Barbara Brown
SUMMARY. Life’s literalness provides the voice of this poem, embodying both symbol and actuality. These clothes exist. They are worn and take space, triggering simultaneous yearnings to snuggle into them and to purge them. It is the same with the memories they evoke. The closet, a space for storage or containment, is, for lesbians, also known as a place of hiding and of emergence. With its dark recesses bulging, the closet is rich with reminders of who we are. Hanging side by side in the cubicle of soul’s memory, the vestments of history sometimes match and sometimes act as stark reminders of the different people we have been, and have been with. The presence of past loves often fills the limited space. There are moments for all of us when we want to shut the door, but Barbara Brown, BSc, MTS, is a Toronto-based writer, artist, and psychotherapist, whose work traverses the land of relationship, sexuality, desire, and memory. She wanders in the organic interlude of thought, body, and emotion as expressed through the particularness of daily life. Barbara’s creative short fiction, poetry, and personal essays have been published in various anthologies and journals, including ReCreations (finalist for Lambda Literary Award), Hot & Bothered 3 (finalist for Lambda Literary Award), Bent on Writing, Provoked by Art: Theorizing Arts-Informed Inquiry, and Tessera. Barbara has performed at Clit Lit: A Queer Women’s Reading Series, OutWrite in the Park, OpenMouth 3, and WordFeast, and has been televised on Rogers Q10Toronto. She produced the cabaret No Visible Means of Support and is the Initiator and Editor of My Breasts, My Choice, an exhibit and book (Publisher: Sumach Press) exploring people’s experience of breast and chest surgery through photography and storytelling. Barbara has developed a fine network of friends through the tradition of lesbian near-romance and friends-nee-ex-lovers. This she finds joyful. The author can be contacted at: 33 Endean Avenue, Toronto, ON M4M 1W5 (Email: [email protected]). [Haworth co-indexing entry note]: “Coming Out of My Closet.” Brown, Barbara. Co-published simultaneously in Journal of Lesbian Studies (Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc.) Vol. 8, No. 3/4, 2004, pp. 21-23; and: Lesbian Ex-Lovers: The Really Long-Term Relationships (ed: Jacqueline S. Weinstock, and Esther D. Rothblum) Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc., 2004, pp. 21-23.
http://www.haworthpress.com/web/JLS Digital Object Identifier: 10.1300/J155v08n03_04
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Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
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LESBIAN EX-LOVERS: THE REALLY LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS
memory asserts itself willfully or unwillfully, informing and forming what we have to choose from as we dress for the day. KEYWORDS. Memory, closet, lesbian, ex-lover COMING OUT OF MY CLOSET
my closet is full of clothes from past lovers the flannel shirt of my most recent ex I wear only when I want to inflict pain on my heart blue bikini underwear from a man I slept with to get over her black lace lingerie a gift from a tranny boy who won’t be wearing them any more the too-big jeans that hang on my hips like I’m a pre-pubescent girl hiding and seeking herself these come from my ex-ex a current friend
Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
Barbara Brown
who donates often to my growing collection Sherry first dyke lover her gift my first dyke outfit striped oversized overalls cut-off above the knees cute as anything I was told and believed I still wear them on Pride but there are no donations no clothes from my first lover my 12 year partner my husband his clothes were mine only on loan like his heart I took none of them with me and instead settled for kitchen appliances delicate bone china and a white satin dress I can’t bring myself to sell
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ISSN: 1089-4160 (Print) 1540-3548 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjls20
Coming Out of My Closet Barbara Brown BSc, MTS To cite this article: Barbara Brown BSc, MTS (2004) Coming Out of My Closet, Journal of Lesbian Studies, 8:3-4, 21-23, DOI: 10.1300/J155v08n03_04 To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J155v08n03_04
Published online: 05 Oct 2008.
Submit your article to this journal
Article views: 69
View related articles
Full Terms & Conditions of access and use can be found at http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=wjls20 Download by: [Chinese University of Hong Kong]
Date: 06 November 2015, At: 02:40
Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
Coming Out of My Closet Barbara Brown
SUMMARY. Life’s literalness provides the voice of this poem, embodying both symbol and actuality. These clothes exist. They are worn and take space, triggering simultaneous yearnings to snuggle into them and to purge them. It is the same with the memories they evoke. The closet, a space for storage or containment, is, for lesbians, also known as a place of hiding and of emergence. With its dark recesses bulging, the closet is rich with reminders of who we are. Hanging side by side in the cubicle of soul’s memory, the vestments of history sometimes match and sometimes act as stark reminders of the different people we have been, and have been with. The presence of past loves often fills the limited space. There are moments for all of us when we want to shut the door, but Barbara Brown, BSc, MTS, is a Toronto-based writer, artist, and psychotherapist, whose work traverses the land of relationship, sexuality, desire, and memory. She wanders in the organic interlude of thought, body, and emotion as expressed through the particularness of daily life. Barbara’s creative short fiction, poetry, and personal essays have been published in various anthologies and journals, including ReCreations (finalist for Lambda Literary Award), Hot & Bothered 3 (finalist for Lambda Literary Award), Bent on Writing, Provoked by Art: Theorizing Arts-Informed Inquiry, and Tessera. Barbara has performed at Clit Lit: A Queer Women’s Reading Series, OutWrite in the Park, OpenMouth 3, and WordFeast, and has been televised on Rogers Q10Toronto. She produced the cabaret No Visible Means of Support and is the Initiator and Editor of My Breasts, My Choice, an exhibit and book (Publisher: Sumach Press) exploring people’s experience of breast and chest surgery through photography and storytelling. Barbara has developed a fine network of friends through the tradition of lesbian near-romance and friends-nee-ex-lovers. This she finds joyful. The author can be contacted at: 33 Endean Avenue, Toronto, ON M4M 1W5 (Email: [email protected]). [Haworth co-indexing entry note]: “Coming Out of My Closet.” Brown, Barbara. Co-published simultaneously in Journal of Lesbian Studies (Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc.) Vol. 8, No. 3/4, 2004, pp. 21-23; and: Lesbian Ex-Lovers: The Really Long-Term Relationships (ed: Jacqueline S. Weinstock, and Esther D. Rothblum) Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc., 2004, pp. 21-23.
http://www.haworthpress.com/web/JLS Digital Object Identifier: 10.1300/J155v08n03_04
21
Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
22
LESBIAN EX-LOVERS: THE REALLY LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS
memory asserts itself willfully or unwillfully, informing and forming what we have to choose from as we dress for the day. KEYWORDS. Memory, closet, lesbian, ex-lover COMING OUT OF MY CLOSET
my closet is full of clothes from past lovers the flannel shirt of my most recent ex I wear only when I want to inflict pain on my heart blue bikini underwear from a man I slept with to get over her black lace lingerie a gift from a tranny boy who won’t be wearing them any more the too-big jeans that hang on my hips like I’m a pre-pubescent girl hiding and seeking herself these come from my ex-ex a current friend
Downloaded by [Chinese University of Hong Kong] at 02:40 06 November 2015
Barbara Brown
who donates often to my growing collection Sherry first dyke lover her gift my first dyke outfit striped oversized overalls cut-off above the knees cute as anything I was told and believed I still wear them on Pride but there are no donations no clothes from my first lover my 12 year partner my husband his clothes were mine only on loan like his heart I took none of them with me and instead settled for kitchen appliances delicate bone china and a white satin dress I can’t bring myself to sell
23
