WORKING LIFE By Vincent F. Scalfani
Finally free
A
I noticed early on that when I forgot about stuttering, my speech became much more fluent. The first few words of a question or first few minutes of a presentation were rough, but then I forgot about the audience, forgot about stuttering, and forgot about worrying. When that happened, my speaking improved. I felt free. I wanted to feel free all the time. Unfortunately, there were always new people to meet and presentations to deliver, so there were many awkward beginnings. I was ashamed of my stutter and did everything I could to hide it. Far from forgetting about it, I developed strategies for dealing with it. Whenever I felt I was going to stutter, I would substitute a new word that was easier to say. I obsessed over how to deliver a talk or just hold a conversation. I studied every tiny detail and came up with alternative explanations ahead of time so that I could always change terminology or the direction of the conversation. It was a wonderful irony: My incapacity for spontaneous speech led to a highly developed skill for improvisation. My adaptations were so successful that most of my peers and professors probably did not even know I stuttered. Later, I would learn that hiding my stutter only perpetuated my anxiety and frustration with my speech. The skills I acquired by hiding it, though, never left me. After graduate school, my interests shifted away from the laboratory, and I started to investigate alternative career paths. I accepted a position as assistant professor and science and engineering librarian at the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa. In my new job, I communicate regularly and spontaneously with students, faculty, and staff. I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I needed to change my attitude
toward stuttering. I could no longer hide behind a lab bench. I decided to check out the campus Speech and Hearing Center. There, I met an amazing group of therapists, scientists, and students. They helped me realize that my success was a consequence of my stutter, not in spite of it. When I was a child, stuttering had led me to explore certain hobbies. It forced me to become an independent learner. It made me a very hard worker. My largely successful attempts at hiding my stutter led to a remarkable mental agility. Strangely (but successfully) my therapists challenged me to try to stutter more. With all the useful skills I had developed largely because of my stutter, I felt unstoppable when I no longer had to devote energy to hiding it. I have flourished in my new job. I created and taught a semesterlong graduate chemical information course. I manage a 3Dprinting lab, edit the American Chemical Society’s Chemical Information Bulletin, and have published several research articles. Earlier this year, Library Journal named me a “Mover and Shaker,” a prestigious early-career award for librarians. I have accomplished more than I would have thought possible in my first 2 years here because I stopped worrying about my stutter and decided instead to embrace it. Sometimes the things you struggle with the most, I’ve realized, end up making you who you are. Now that I know that, I am ready for whatever is next in my career, because I am finally free. ■
Downloaded from www.sciencemag.org on December 4, 2014
s a child, I found relief from the stress of stuttering by burying myself in numerous hobbies. I built rockets and radio-controlled vehicles. I rebuilt engines. I did these things because when I was building something, I did not have to think about speaking. ¶ My hobbies eventually led me to study chemistry. After finishing a B.S. in chemistry at the State University of New York, Oswego, I studied polymer chemistry and earned a Ph.D. at Colorado State University. I enjoyed chemistry research for the same reasons I enjoyed my hobbies as a child: I could do interesting things, free from the stress of speaking. In the laboratory, I could be alone and build things, although now I was building molecules instead of model cars.
1258
Vincent F. Scalfani is assistant professor and science and engineering librarian at the University of Alabama. For more on life and careers, visit www.sciencecareers.org.
sciencemag.org SCIENCE
5 DECEMBER 2014 • VOL 346 ISSUE 6214
Published by AAAS
ILLUSTRATION: ROBERT NEUBECKER
“My incapacity for spontaneous speech led to a highly developed skill for improvisation.”
Finally free
A
I noticed early on that when I forgot about stuttering, my speech became much more fluent. The first few words of a question or first few minutes of a presentation were rough, but then I forgot about the audience, forgot about stuttering, and forgot about worrying. When that happened, my speaking improved. I felt free. I wanted to feel free all the time. Unfortunately, there were always new people to meet and presentations to deliver, so there were many awkward beginnings. I was ashamed of my stutter and did everything I could to hide it. Far from forgetting about it, I developed strategies for dealing with it. Whenever I felt I was going to stutter, I would substitute a new word that was easier to say. I obsessed over how to deliver a talk or just hold a conversation. I studied every tiny detail and came up with alternative explanations ahead of time so that I could always change terminology or the direction of the conversation. It was a wonderful irony: My incapacity for spontaneous speech led to a highly developed skill for improvisation. My adaptations were so successful that most of my peers and professors probably did not even know I stuttered. Later, I would learn that hiding my stutter only perpetuated my anxiety and frustration with my speech. The skills I acquired by hiding it, though, never left me. After graduate school, my interests shifted away from the laboratory, and I started to investigate alternative career paths. I accepted a position as assistant professor and science and engineering librarian at the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa. In my new job, I communicate regularly and spontaneously with students, faculty, and staff. I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I needed to change my attitude
toward stuttering. I could no longer hide behind a lab bench. I decided to check out the campus Speech and Hearing Center. There, I met an amazing group of therapists, scientists, and students. They helped me realize that my success was a consequence of my stutter, not in spite of it. When I was a child, stuttering had led me to explore certain hobbies. It forced me to become an independent learner. It made me a very hard worker. My largely successful attempts at hiding my stutter led to a remarkable mental agility. Strangely (but successfully) my therapists challenged me to try to stutter more. With all the useful skills I had developed largely because of my stutter, I felt unstoppable when I no longer had to devote energy to hiding it. I have flourished in my new job. I created and taught a semesterlong graduate chemical information course. I manage a 3Dprinting lab, edit the American Chemical Society’s Chemical Information Bulletin, and have published several research articles. Earlier this year, Library Journal named me a “Mover and Shaker,” a prestigious early-career award for librarians. I have accomplished more than I would have thought possible in my first 2 years here because I stopped worrying about my stutter and decided instead to embrace it. Sometimes the things you struggle with the most, I’ve realized, end up making you who you are. Now that I know that, I am ready for whatever is next in my career, because I am finally free. ■
Downloaded from www.sciencemag.org on December 4, 2014
s a child, I found relief from the stress of stuttering by burying myself in numerous hobbies. I built rockets and radio-controlled vehicles. I rebuilt engines. I did these things because when I was building something, I did not have to think about speaking. ¶ My hobbies eventually led me to study chemistry. After finishing a B.S. in chemistry at the State University of New York, Oswego, I studied polymer chemistry and earned a Ph.D. at Colorado State University. I enjoyed chemistry research for the same reasons I enjoyed my hobbies as a child: I could do interesting things, free from the stress of speaking. In the laboratory, I could be alone and build things, although now I was building molecules instead of model cars.
1258
Vincent F. Scalfani is assistant professor and science and engineering librarian at the University of Alabama. For more on life and careers, visit www.sciencecareers.org.
sciencemag.org SCIENCE
5 DECEMBER 2014 • VOL 346 ISSUE 6214
Published by AAAS
ILLUSTRATION: ROBERT NEUBECKER
“My incapacity for spontaneous speech led to a highly developed skill for improvisation.”
