HOW CAN PARENTS UNDERSTAND THEIR CHILDREN? By Margaret
Otis, Ph.D., Philadelphia, Pa.
J
The lack of a place in our educational system for preparation of the young for the duties devolving upon them as parents is, sadly enough, too glaring a defect to be longer overlooked. Spencer's comment upon this point will bear repeating: "But though some care is taken to fit the young of both sexes for society and citizenship, whatever is taken to fit them for the still more important position they will ultimately have to fill?the position of parents." Such a comment calls attention to a need which is definitely felt in our society. His urgent plea that the "theory and practice of education" be introduced as a subject of study into our school curriculum finds unanimous agreement in every thinking mind that
no care
reads his essay
on
moral education. But how? Has the need been in home economics that are at present
sufficiently by the courses much in vogue? Or has
met
the work been
accomplished by the being pushed by our How can the art of understanding and ardent social workers? awakening intellect and providing for its further development be taught? Many courses have been introduced, looking to the physical comfort of the home. The art of home-making?is it not to keep the home clean and attractive, to make war vigorously on all germ life, to study house decoration, to investigate the mysteries of dietetics, to cook inviting meals, and so on. The physical care of children has also been much dwelt upon. A nurse's course of training is desirable, including a thorough-going study of nutrition. Truly a maiden must have a college course in all these departments before she may say yes to the man who asks her in marriage. so
mothers' clubs and social-center work that is
Alas!
She may have had all this and more, and yet fail in the
understanding of the child she is endeavoring to rear. Understanding is not easily acquired by taking courses of study.
essential
A child is
an
individual not like any
one
else in the world.
His
destiny, pointed by inheritance, is woven from the rich world of experience that supplies the material for his mental life; his body a growing organism, his mind a complex of ideas, impulses, and emotional experiences constantly changing, leaving indelible impressions that determine the character of his later life. How to understand the proper moment for suggesting the right activity is the mother's task. Woman's instinct and mother-love may do much. Can science help her to do more? To steer a youth through the difficult time of adolescence requires more enlightenment than is now present (118)
HOW CAN PARENTS UNDERSTAND CHILDREN? 119 in many homes. To know oneself and one's own need, which is the first step toward self-guidance, is difficult to acquire. How much more so, to teach this to another! How many mistakes proper guidance will save the young boy or girl! To the thinking mind a study of failures well repays the effort The present results from this study are rich in warning as These negative results are sometimes as valuable to what not to do. to science as great discoveries. A study of wrong conditions perhaps The study of causes may prove to be the best guide to the right.
spent.
and conditions that lead to delinquency reveals a noted lack of In a school for delinquents, an mother care and understanding. of 200 cases shows that lack of proper mothering occasions at least 80 per cent of these failures in life, for failures at their very start they are judged to be by society, whatever the future may hold for them. Studies of particular cases furnish excellent comment
investigation
this need of
understanding a girl's nature. The following story very good mother may be a very inefficient guardian or companion to her own daughter: Olive Rosenbloom, a Jewess, grew up in a home where the sternest As the youngest child and only code of morality was observed. she became an easily important member of the household. daughter, Her older brothers at first regarded her as a plaything, a doll-like Then "Sissy" was creature made expressly for their entertainment. sometimes in the way and they ordered her around and bullied her. At hardly any time in her life had she been regarded seriously. She slept late if she chose; practiced the piano if she wished, otherwise Her mother was a hard-working woman and kept the comfornot. table home neat and clean. She cooked and sewed for her family and thought the world of her pretty daughter. Of an intensely done her had practical nature herself, she felt she duty when the best dress was and Olive's house was in order, the ironing done, entertainment. school Olive for next the hanging in the closet ready on
illustrates how
a
knew what it was to be in need of even a ribbon. All was thought out and planned for her. No unpleasant tasks were assigned, and when at home from school she was free to do as she pleased. Yes, Olive's mother loved her. Olive was a good-natured, fun-loving girl, and had not the slightest idea that she was made a baby at home. She was a member of a girls' society, sang at entertainments, and went around with the
never
young set of the town in which she lived. Well-developed and large for her years, she was often thought to be much older than she really was, and in the town passed for a young lady of at least eighteen, ready to "keep company". She was in reality but fifteen, in the second year of high school, where she was taking a business course, at the
120
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL CLINIC.
advice of one of her practical brothers. She found it rather more difficult than she had imagined, became quite discouraged over her school work, neglected it, and sought to drown the reproofs of her conscience by seeking more amusement in the evenings. No one knew anything was the matter. Her mother thought that Olive was going around a little too much and began to make some rules about the time she should be in her room at night. This led to a few and white lies on the part of Olive,?"Oh, yes, mother, in at nine o'clock last night. I came in when you were kneading the bread in the kitchen and you didn't hear me." She would sometimes even come home at the right time, go to her room, and then slip out again when no one was looking. At a dance at Rosie Schreiner's, Olive met Jack Carter, a handNo one seemed to know much about him, but he was some fellow. good company and Olive had such "dandy" times with him. She walked with him outside during some of the dances. They were congenial comrades, and gave and took mutually in the way of repartee. She made him keep his distance when she wished, but flirted with him off and on all winter. One night he held her in his
deceptions I
was
and kissed her. She grew hot and ashamed, pulled herself and ran home as fast as she could. She was now genuinely away, troubled and felt extremely uneasy. Did she confide in her mother? Why, no; her mother was always busy either canning fruit or interviewing some meat or grocery man. And why shouldn't she have a good time with Jack Carter? She wasn't going to marry him, of course. She felt secretly ashamed of some of his rough, coarse ways; but Jack's sensual nature had been roused and he seemed obsessed He watched his chance, and one night, as Olive was to get the girl. home after a stolen evening of enjoyment, he intercepted hastening She was too frightened to resist. He claimed she had jilted her. him and reproached her, saying: "You promised to marry me, and, by thunder, I'll blow your brains out if you don't." Olive had never arms
been instructed in any way that would have proved helpful at this crisis, so she yielded to his impetuosity and went off with him that night to a neighboring town. He gained his purpose and then left her. It turned out that he was a married man, whose wife was seeking a divorce, the cause for which he had already given many times over.
Olive was afraid to go home. She had heard her father and brothers speak at times in the severest way of women who had lapsed from morality. It seemed there would be no hope of pardon from She thought despairingly any of the stern moralists of her family. of each of her three brothers, much esteemed as they were in the All of them held positions of importance in the community town.
HOW CAN PARENTS UNDERSTAND CHILDRENt 121 were getting up in the world. Now she was condemned, an outcast doomed to perdition. Where could she go? Who would
and
In her home she had been petted and babied, but in no that would enable her to become a womanly And now, in her failure to stand in one of life's difficult woman. pathways, she naturally would meet with only condemnation and
take her in? way
given
a
training
contempt.
length she did succeed in finding employment as clerk in a shop and remained in hiding for a couple of months. Her mother, thoroughly alarmed at her daughter's disappearance, had put a detective at work to search for her. When finally she was found, her motherly indignation knew no bounds when she learned At
small
all the details of Olive's secret life of amusement, and had her sent immediately to a home for delinquent girls. It seemed to Olive that the world had come to an end for her. Her brothers, horrified at their sister's misfortune, said they would never forgive her for
disgracing the family in that flagrant way. Her mother was stunned by the blow and could not imagine why this terrible misfortune had come to her lot. To rear a daughter who could not keep straight! The disgrace of it! In the Home, Olive, after a period of rebellion, seemed to come to She learned to cook, to clean, to wash and iron. Never herself. before had she done such menial tasks. The superintendent of the Home, kinder than her own family, assured her that she had a chance to redeem the past,?let her take heart and work her way out. The despised stenography even came to be a help to her, and she was given a chance to work evenings at her books. A place was found for her after some time by a friend of her own nationality and she worked hard to deserve the trust and confidence placed in her. A couple of years later she went home with a good record. Her mother, who had given her up for lost, was surprised to find her in such good trim and so capable in all that she did. Could this be Olive, the happy-goshe not been able to bring about had lucky, ne'er-do-well? Why had Wherein this result herself? she, as a mother, failed? Olive mental had good ability, good sense, and a wish to do well and get in along the world, but the mother knew not what was in her daughter. She had been a complete stranger to the real Olive. The girl in This story is an instance of unnecessary failure. would have common-sense with developed to be guidance, question, a good, ordinary girl, fit to be the wife of a good, ordinary man. Mothers must conceive their task as something higher than that of a housekeeper or a nurse. The best and only advice to a mother, and advice to be oft repeated, may be given as an adaptation of the Greek: "Know thyself," Mother, know thy child.
Otis, Ph.D., Philadelphia, Pa.
J
The lack of a place in our educational system for preparation of the young for the duties devolving upon them as parents is, sadly enough, too glaring a defect to be longer overlooked. Spencer's comment upon this point will bear repeating: "But though some care is taken to fit the young of both sexes for society and citizenship, whatever is taken to fit them for the still more important position they will ultimately have to fill?the position of parents." Such a comment calls attention to a need which is definitely felt in our society. His urgent plea that the "theory and practice of education" be introduced as a subject of study into our school curriculum finds unanimous agreement in every thinking mind that
no care
reads his essay
on
moral education. But how? Has the need been in home economics that are at present
sufficiently by the courses much in vogue? Or has
met
the work been
accomplished by the being pushed by our How can the art of understanding and ardent social workers? awakening intellect and providing for its further development be taught? Many courses have been introduced, looking to the physical comfort of the home. The art of home-making?is it not to keep the home clean and attractive, to make war vigorously on all germ life, to study house decoration, to investigate the mysteries of dietetics, to cook inviting meals, and so on. The physical care of children has also been much dwelt upon. A nurse's course of training is desirable, including a thorough-going study of nutrition. Truly a maiden must have a college course in all these departments before she may say yes to the man who asks her in marriage. so
mothers' clubs and social-center work that is
Alas!
She may have had all this and more, and yet fail in the
understanding of the child she is endeavoring to rear. Understanding is not easily acquired by taking courses of study.
essential
A child is
an
individual not like any
one
else in the world.
His
destiny, pointed by inheritance, is woven from the rich world of experience that supplies the material for his mental life; his body a growing organism, his mind a complex of ideas, impulses, and emotional experiences constantly changing, leaving indelible impressions that determine the character of his later life. How to understand the proper moment for suggesting the right activity is the mother's task. Woman's instinct and mother-love may do much. Can science help her to do more? To steer a youth through the difficult time of adolescence requires more enlightenment than is now present (118)
HOW CAN PARENTS UNDERSTAND CHILDREN? 119 in many homes. To know oneself and one's own need, which is the first step toward self-guidance, is difficult to acquire. How much more so, to teach this to another! How many mistakes proper guidance will save the young boy or girl! To the thinking mind a study of failures well repays the effort The present results from this study are rich in warning as These negative results are sometimes as valuable to what not to do. to science as great discoveries. A study of wrong conditions perhaps The study of causes may prove to be the best guide to the right.
spent.
and conditions that lead to delinquency reveals a noted lack of In a school for delinquents, an mother care and understanding. of 200 cases shows that lack of proper mothering occasions at least 80 per cent of these failures in life, for failures at their very start they are judged to be by society, whatever the future may hold for them. Studies of particular cases furnish excellent comment
investigation
this need of
understanding a girl's nature. The following story very good mother may be a very inefficient guardian or companion to her own daughter: Olive Rosenbloom, a Jewess, grew up in a home where the sternest As the youngest child and only code of morality was observed. she became an easily important member of the household. daughter, Her older brothers at first regarded her as a plaything, a doll-like Then "Sissy" was creature made expressly for their entertainment. sometimes in the way and they ordered her around and bullied her. At hardly any time in her life had she been regarded seriously. She slept late if she chose; practiced the piano if she wished, otherwise Her mother was a hard-working woman and kept the comfornot. table home neat and clean. She cooked and sewed for her family and thought the world of her pretty daughter. Of an intensely done her had practical nature herself, she felt she duty when the best dress was and Olive's house was in order, the ironing done, entertainment. school Olive for next the hanging in the closet ready on
illustrates how
a
knew what it was to be in need of even a ribbon. All was thought out and planned for her. No unpleasant tasks were assigned, and when at home from school she was free to do as she pleased. Yes, Olive's mother loved her. Olive was a good-natured, fun-loving girl, and had not the slightest idea that she was made a baby at home. She was a member of a girls' society, sang at entertainments, and went around with the
never
young set of the town in which she lived. Well-developed and large for her years, she was often thought to be much older than she really was, and in the town passed for a young lady of at least eighteen, ready to "keep company". She was in reality but fifteen, in the second year of high school, where she was taking a business course, at the
120
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL CLINIC.
advice of one of her practical brothers. She found it rather more difficult than she had imagined, became quite discouraged over her school work, neglected it, and sought to drown the reproofs of her conscience by seeking more amusement in the evenings. No one knew anything was the matter. Her mother thought that Olive was going around a little too much and began to make some rules about the time she should be in her room at night. This led to a few and white lies on the part of Olive,?"Oh, yes, mother, in at nine o'clock last night. I came in when you were kneading the bread in the kitchen and you didn't hear me." She would sometimes even come home at the right time, go to her room, and then slip out again when no one was looking. At a dance at Rosie Schreiner's, Olive met Jack Carter, a handNo one seemed to know much about him, but he was some fellow. good company and Olive had such "dandy" times with him. She walked with him outside during some of the dances. They were congenial comrades, and gave and took mutually in the way of repartee. She made him keep his distance when she wished, but flirted with him off and on all winter. One night he held her in his
deceptions I
was
and kissed her. She grew hot and ashamed, pulled herself and ran home as fast as she could. She was now genuinely away, troubled and felt extremely uneasy. Did she confide in her mother? Why, no; her mother was always busy either canning fruit or interviewing some meat or grocery man. And why shouldn't she have a good time with Jack Carter? She wasn't going to marry him, of course. She felt secretly ashamed of some of his rough, coarse ways; but Jack's sensual nature had been roused and he seemed obsessed He watched his chance, and one night, as Olive was to get the girl. home after a stolen evening of enjoyment, he intercepted hastening She was too frightened to resist. He claimed she had jilted her. him and reproached her, saying: "You promised to marry me, and, by thunder, I'll blow your brains out if you don't." Olive had never arms
been instructed in any way that would have proved helpful at this crisis, so she yielded to his impetuosity and went off with him that night to a neighboring town. He gained his purpose and then left her. It turned out that he was a married man, whose wife was seeking a divorce, the cause for which he had already given many times over.
Olive was afraid to go home. She had heard her father and brothers speak at times in the severest way of women who had lapsed from morality. It seemed there would be no hope of pardon from She thought despairingly any of the stern moralists of her family. of each of her three brothers, much esteemed as they were in the All of them held positions of importance in the community town.
HOW CAN PARENTS UNDERSTAND CHILDRENt 121 were getting up in the world. Now she was condemned, an outcast doomed to perdition. Where could she go? Who would
and
In her home she had been petted and babied, but in no that would enable her to become a womanly And now, in her failure to stand in one of life's difficult woman. pathways, she naturally would meet with only condemnation and
take her in? way
given
a
training
contempt.
length she did succeed in finding employment as clerk in a shop and remained in hiding for a couple of months. Her mother, thoroughly alarmed at her daughter's disappearance, had put a detective at work to search for her. When finally she was found, her motherly indignation knew no bounds when she learned At
small
all the details of Olive's secret life of amusement, and had her sent immediately to a home for delinquent girls. It seemed to Olive that the world had come to an end for her. Her brothers, horrified at their sister's misfortune, said they would never forgive her for
disgracing the family in that flagrant way. Her mother was stunned by the blow and could not imagine why this terrible misfortune had come to her lot. To rear a daughter who could not keep straight! The disgrace of it! In the Home, Olive, after a period of rebellion, seemed to come to She learned to cook, to clean, to wash and iron. Never herself. before had she done such menial tasks. The superintendent of the Home, kinder than her own family, assured her that she had a chance to redeem the past,?let her take heart and work her way out. The despised stenography even came to be a help to her, and she was given a chance to work evenings at her books. A place was found for her after some time by a friend of her own nationality and she worked hard to deserve the trust and confidence placed in her. A couple of years later she went home with a good record. Her mother, who had given her up for lost, was surprised to find her in such good trim and so capable in all that she did. Could this be Olive, the happy-goshe not been able to bring about had lucky, ne'er-do-well? Why had Wherein this result herself? she, as a mother, failed? Olive mental had good ability, good sense, and a wish to do well and get in along the world, but the mother knew not what was in her daughter. She had been a complete stranger to the real Olive. The girl in This story is an instance of unnecessary failure. would have common-sense with developed to be guidance, question, a good, ordinary girl, fit to be the wife of a good, ordinary man. Mothers must conceive their task as something higher than that of a housekeeper or a nurse. The best and only advice to a mother, and advice to be oft repeated, may be given as an adaptation of the Greek: "Know thyself," Mother, know thy child.
